Holding On | RedPaper.in

RedPaper.in – Poetry
By: Mercy Sangma | Guest Writer | RedPaper.in

Today the silence inside of me is a low hum
Power lines hanging between synapses
All static sounds and shuffling feet
I can feel my memories moving in retrograde

Today I am 21 and more aware than ever that
I will never know all the dreams I once had
Time comes through in the shiest ways
Reduced melanin and deteriorating collagen
I have come to realize why homes settle and sigh
When the weather changes and we are asked
To withstand another storm on our own

My freckles have faded and
The fire inside me has too
No longer can I hold onto the moon
Until she sees her rising sun
The stars seem so far away now

21 and I am still learning to see
All the shades that depression shows up in
It used to be only darkness I was afraid of but
Now the light holds unfamiliar truths
That I am not as invincible as I once was
And these scars and the path I’ve taken
And where life went wrong
Are painfully apparent when shown in that light

Now my days I spend more time listening
And less time writing
I thought by now that order
Would be the other way around
I thought I’d have everything figured out
And maybe my voice
Would matter more than it does

But I sound just like everyone else
A soft plea against the hurricane
For 21 years it’s been
The same conversation with myself.


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Feature Image: Thought Catalog

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